Giddy. And a story based on real events.

As you probably gathered after reading the previous post (read the previous post.), I stayed up all night because of a combination of tea and a three hour nap....and coffee this morning. Bad combination for sleep, but I feel really wired and creative.

Moral of the story: Get significantly less sleep.

Here is another thing I wrote this morning because coffee makes me crazy.

Milk

This morning I woke up after not sleeping all night and decided to make some coffee. I got out the delicious Kona blend my dad keeps stashed in the cupboard and went about making myself some sweet, sweet, no-more-sleepiness elixir. I stood there waiting for the coffee to stop dripping through the coffee maker while reading the newspaper. When the coffee was done I went to the fridge and got out the milk. And then, thankfully, I smelled it. Ew. The milk was safely drained down the sink, leaving me with a problem. No milk means no sweet, sweet, no-more-sleepiness elixir. I’m not hardcore. I don’t look at waitresses with a steely eye and say “I’ll take my coffee black, like my women.” I prefer sweet things and, on occasion, fruity things.

The only thing to do when faced with a problem like this is to go and get more milk, of course. The fact that I’m going to get one gallon of milk at 6:30am doesn’t make any difference to me. Coffee is hot when it’s hot and needs milk when it needs milk. So, I got in my car and drove down to Vons, got some milk, and shuffled my way to the cashier. She scanned my milk and I paid for it. While I was paying for the delicious liquid I yawned. The cashier noticed my yawn and said, “It’s too early to be up. But you gotta have some milk.” I laughed with her, shrugged my shoulders, and for a minute I pretended that I was someone else.

I pretended that I was a mom with three kids under the age of seven who are all home for summer vacation. I woke up at 6am and stumbled to the kitchen, ready for some coffee to start the day. Soon my beloved, darling, exuberant children would be awake, begging me for Cap’n Crunch. I go to the refrigerator and look inside. No milk. NO MILK?! Code red! Code red! Alpha, bravo, lexus……whatever! There’s no way that we don’t have any milk. Husband unit just went to the store yesterday! How could he have forgotten to get milk? Screams are stifled, the urge to throw plates on the floor is curbed. I need milk, it’s as simple as that. There’s no way I’m going to sit in this kitchen drinking black coffee when my children wake up. There’s no way I’m going to tell them that they can’t have milk with their Cap’n Crunch this morning. There’s no way I’m going to ever let them know about the Milk Dilemma. I walk to my bedroom, tiptoeing past the little angels’ rooms. My husband is getting ready for work when I rush in and start throwing on random items of clothing. “What’s the matter?” he innocently asks, as if he hasn’t just sent me into homeland security alert mode. “You forgot the milk yesterday. I’m going to the store to get some. Don’t leave until I get back.” I say all of this quickly, while simultaneously grabbing my keys and rushing out the door, careful to make no noise as I walk down the hall and leave the house. As I exit the bedroom I can hear my husband say, “Well, what do you expect? It wasn’t on the list.” I drive down to Vons, listening to Norah Jones and telling my milk woes to the rearview mirror. I get to the cashier and yawn as I’m paying. She notices my yawn and says, “It’s too early to be up. But you gotta have some milk.” I don’t laugh; I just look at her very seriously and say, “With three kids, it’s essential to the well being of my household.” She grins and I grab the milk and go. When I get home Angel #1 is sitting on Daddy’s lap and he’s spoon-feeding her black coffee. I smile sweetly at him and say, “Don’t sabotage me twice in one day.”