St. Valentine's Hopelessly Romantic Plea

Closure is important to me.

It never used to be. I used to forfeit friendships and relationships and never felt the need to go back and close the doors or bind the wound (if there was a wound). Leaving was key and it was good enough for me.

But leaving really isn't good enough, because if you leave the wound unbound or the bone unset it will heal into a deformed shape that may turn out to be more painful than the original hurt itself.

So I started an experiment that grew like an obnoxious weed out of my conscience and I traveled back to the lands I had given up for loss and the people who I had once felt so superior to. And the most important words I ever said were "I'm sorry." I'm sorry I was a self-righteous punk who wouldn't make amends or say the healing words that our dissolving friendship needed in order to be whole again. Would it really have been so hard to do? My pride and ego at that time said yes, it was quite impossible. But now I understand the how wrong that was.

Strange random notice, for some reason this blog posting thingamajig doesn't recognize contractions are real word. I keep having to add them to the dictionary. BUT, it does recognize thingamajig, so there is still some hope left in the world.

Break's over, time to get back to the issue at hand. Closure. One of the scariest levels of any kind of acquaintance, friendship, or more-than-friendship-relationship is being unsure of where you stand within that relationship. Am I a friend? Am I an enemy? Are you indifferent to me? What? What?! Tell me, tell me, tell me if we're okay. I hope we're okay. I've never been much into delicate conflict, where the two parties dance around an issue with masks on trying not to step on one another's toes. Just get on out there and say it! That's my philosophy. I'll be the first to admit that it's not always the most effective method, but at least we're not hiding anything! :D But that is neither here nor there.

I just like closure is all. That's all I'm really trying to say.

Also, Happy almost Valentine's Day. I wouldn't have remembered that it was this week if I hadn't of gotten a flower today. It smells really nice. I've been connected to two people on Valentine's Day before. The first got me a pot of tulips that I left out too long without planting and the roots rotted away. Kind of a funny juxtaposition to that relationship if you really think about it. I don't remember what happened on the other Valentine's Day on which I was attached. We might have been separated by distance on that day. Ha! Another excellent metaphor. I'm not trying to be ironical...it's just working out that way. Find the humor in it. Without humor life is, well, a drag.

I like Valentine's Day, but I think it would be better if the focus were shifted. Maybe we could all meditate on the value of relationships in our lives...and I do mean the romantic ones. Every single relationship I have been in has taught me something incalculably valuable. And the only one I can thank for that is God. Sometimes I wonder what my eyes would look like if He didn't occasionally wipe them clean of the debris of misunderstanding and stupidity. Yeah. I'd be blind, not doubt about that. And blindness sucks.

To say the least.

I made some biscuits today. I was trying out a new recipe (Bless you for read to the end of this. If you make it send me a comment so I can congratulate you on getting through my rambles) that uses, GASP, vegetable shortening. My mother was very against this; she almost refused to buy the stuff. But she gave in, because she's the coolest. I mixed these good ol' buttermilk biscuits up and put them in the oven and then 18 minutes later out came some okay biscuits that were a little burnt. Not burnt to the point of being totally gross....just a little crispy, which can be good. Anyway, my plan of attack for the next biscuit making battle will be as follows:

1) Use real buttermilk. No substitutes. I was going to ask my mom to get me some buttermilk at the store as well as the shortening, but I thought that might be pushing it a little too far. Next time though, I will show no such mercy.
2) Get a better biscuit cutter that doesn't have a top. Some of the biscuits got smashed a bit because our biscuit cutter has a roof. I'll have to remedy that next time.
3) I wont use the lame jelly roll pan. I don't know why I used that pan. I was disappointed with the pan and with myself.
4) 15 minute cook time instead of 18. Three minutes too many. It's a shame really...

Well. I'm going to bed. Goodnight.